The 2nd Annual Miss Plus America Pageant

Alabama Miss Plus America is looking for female, AL residents, size 14w and higher to RIP THE RUNWAY on Saturday, April 30

at the Downtown Sheraton Hotel for their optional competition (entry fee $25).

Log on to www.missplusamerica.com/alabama.asp for details or contact Tracey @ 205-612-1326

Beyonce Splits from Dad

Can you believe it!!!! Its true Matthew Knowles no longer manages daughter Beyonce.  Others say they saw it coming, especially after the divorce of her parents, who were married for 29 years.  Just in case you didn’t know, Matthew Knowles fathered a child while still married to Tina Knowles which placed a strain on the relationship with his daughter. According to her publicist Yvette Noel-Schure, Beyonce released this statement to Us magazine, “I’ve only parted ways with my father on a business level. He is my father for life and I love my dad dearly. I am grateful for everything he has taught me.” It has been rumored that she will be under the management of Live Nation Cough Cough “Jayz, but check this out. Rihanna is also a part of Live Nation, and I heard that she won’t be too happy about Beyonce being under the same management company, being that Rihanna was the first female meaning that attention and focus would have to be divided between the successful singers. Beyonce is sat to release her 4^th solo album in June, no word on the album title.

Ask Mr. Key – Help with a sexless marriage

It’s that time again for Ask Mr. Key. This question comes from a lady in desperate need of some TLC.

_______________________

How do you get the courage to walk out of a sexless marriage?
It’s like living with a cousin. I have tried to talk about the issue but he won’t
talk back. He is so content with this. We have two sons and they know we aren’t
happy in this marriage.

_______________________

Hello and thanks for contacting me… This is always a tough one… Because I don’t have more information, I’m just going to break down a few scenarios.

Before I start, I have to say this. No guy is content with a sexless situation… Please don’t believe that. Now on to the nitty.

#1 He is sleeping with someone else. As stated in the upper sentence, no one willingly just says I don’t want to have sex anymore. This is especially true with guys. I could see if you were single, but being in a committed relationship and laying in the same bed every night… Nah. We all have the same wants needs, desires and emotions… One way or another, this is getting met.

Because I don’t have the entire info, I’m going to “assume” this drought has been longer than a few months.

#2 Because he is refusing to talk about it, maybe he’s experiencing male issues. Depending on his age, it could be his anchor isn’t strong enough to stop the boat anymore… Or even worse, maybe he can’t even cast the boat off. For a man, this can be particularly embarrassing and very depressions. Expounding on this, had he been to the doctor around the time things slowed up? If he is on medication, there may be some side effects that he hasn’t spoken of.

#3 His pride has been crushed. Have you all had a big argument where his pride was stepped on? Sometimes when a man is made to feel small, he withdraws. This is mainly because now he now sees himself as less of a man and can’t do anything for you. Has he been laid off from his job? When a man loses his provider status it’s devastating. Depression is also a big one that can cause immense separation as well. It’s hard to feel sexy or even make another person feel sexy when you’re experiencing low self-worth.

#4 He’s not attracted to you anymore. Earlier you said you have two sons. After having these kids have you gained a significantly lot of weight? Have you changed your routine of dress? Do you still do the sexy things you use to? Men are very visual. It must first happen in our eyes. As a little inside info, when we look at you all, we’re imagining how “it” is. If it looks good, we want it! If it feels good we want it. If it smells good we want it. As a check, ask friend that will be “honest” if you still got it. At least then, that will be one less doubt.

#5 He can’t get over past situations. Have you or are you sleeping around. A lot of times, the man finds out that his wife was sleeping around and that turns him completely off from her. Because he feels that another man has had his cake, he no longer wants anymore. Sometimes, he never confronts the situation and simply holds it in. Of course this is very unhealthy, but it happens all the time and there the woman is thinking that it can’t be this because he would have said something. No ladies. How often do you all hold things in only to strike at a later date?

#6 He is homosexual. In this day and time many men live double lives. They put on the happy wife and kids for the prestige of the job and social status, but secretly love the same sex. After faking it so long, they usually come to a breaking point where they decide to go gay all the way. The decision to go gay may be by abstaining from you and he just hasn’t gotten the courage to bring it out yet.

As stated above, I can only speculate because I don’t have more information. Even with limited data, I do know this 100%, communication is the only way. Once that breaks down, any relationship is on a slippery slope to destruction. No matter which reason, you can’t fix something that you don’t know is broken. It is unfeasible to just arbitrarily start taking things apart and replacing them with new parts. Trying to do so always comes at a high cost with no guarantee of success.

Bottom line is this. YOU and HIM have to talk. Silence is a conscious decision to say screw it. If he doesn’t care enough to communicate, then you truly have nothing. Life has a way of bring a continuous string of similar situations to you. If you never learn how to deal with the first one, then the second, or third or fourth one will take you out. You can’t move on till you all can face this.

As far as being there for the kids, save that. As a kid I can remember times when my parents weren’t getting along. All I thought was what is the point of you all being together? You need to just get a divorce. Kids aren’t dumb. They can even tell when something is not working. They also know when something makes sense and when it doesn’t.
You do no justice to them by staying together. To put it simply, kids love what makes their parents happy. Love is transferred from the head to the tail.

A sad home is a miserable one that gives no heat.

In the end, if you’re looking for me to say some magic quote that will motivate you, I’m sorry but I don’t have one. You have to weigh it out and decide what “you” truly want. At the end of the day, it boils down to choice. Do you “choose” to stay or do you “choose” to go? If you separate yourself from all the other BS and what ifs/ what he, she or they want, you’ll see that is the only question you need to answer for you to move forward.

www.kevinkeyspeaks.com

BET Music Matters Tour with Anthony David,Marsha Ambrosius & Melanie Fiona

The BET Music Matters Tour with Anthony David,Marsha Ambrosius & Melanie Fiona takes places Friday, April 15, 2011 at the Platinum of Birmingham.

Doors for this show open at 7:00 pm and general admission tickets start at $21.00.

You can purchase tickets online at www.platinumofbham.com or from the Platinum of Birmingham or Rib it up Restaurant.

A Chat with Natural Hair Diva Keisa Sharpe

You know her face. You know her name. For eight years Keisa Sharpe worked as a broadcast     journalist in Birmingham. Now Sharpe has found a new calling: she is on a mission to inspire women to accept and love their natural hair. Through workshops and her website TheNaturalHairDiva.com Sharpe is seeking to educate women about natural hair and motivate them to take the journey.

On Sunday, March 27, Sharpe will host the seminar “Men Speak on Natural Hair” at 2:30 p.m. at the Homewood Public Library, 1721 Oxmoor Road. I recently caught up with the Natural Hair Diva to chat about the upcoming seminar, her natural hair story and much more.

JHB: You decided to go natural about two years ago after suffering a bad chemical burn to your scalp. Tell me how you transitioned to natural hair.

KS: I transitioned by wearing wigs the first year to learn my own hair and develop knowledge about styles and products. I had to learn to accept my hair’s texture. I liked sporting wigs because I could cover my scalp (while the chemical burn healed) and then play in my hair each night.

My routine was like this: I’d shampoo my hair every two weeks, learning which products did and didn’t work, and then my mom would braid my hair into cornrows. I’d take the wig off each night and run my fingers through my scalp, fascinated as my natural hair grew. At my one year natural hair anniversary (March 2010), I wore my own hair for the first time and there was no turning back in spite of some challenging hair days!  In fact, I started blogging one month before I unveiled my own tresses.

When did you launch your website, TheNaturalHairDiva.com, and why did you decide to start it?

My website started with the blog, with me writing extensively about my natural hair journey. I wanted to help other women who’d also chosen the same path. I found there was such an information void and I wanted to do something to close that gap. So the website is designed to help women with their decision to go natural and I also feature women who are bold in their choice to go natural. I want to inspire confidence in others.

Why do you think natural hair has become such a popular trend lately?

Women are awakening to a new standard of beauty and that standard is “I am beautiful just as God created me, or just as I am.” Plus, they’re seeing examples daily of women wearing natural hair in so many facets of life. And women are hosting seminars similar to mine all over the country informing them on how to care for their natural hair.

I know that you currently work as a spokesperson for a large corporation and you have mentioned on your website that your company has had no problems with your natural hair. What advice would you give to those sporting natural hair that have not been as fortunate?

I always advise using wisdom when it comes to that which affects your livelihood. For those women (or men) who are genuinely concerned about “how” or “if” their hairstyle choice would affect their job, then they may need to hold a conversation with their supervisor, if that comfort level is there. Or it may be wise to hold on their decision to go natural. In other words, they have to make the decision based on their particular circumstance or environment.

On March 27 you’re hosting an event called Men Speak on Natural Hair. What can we expect at this event?

You can expect men from various professions talking about how they view natural hair on women. I’m encouraging attendees to ask questions and start genuine dialogue because so many women are concerned about how men really view their natural styles. Plus, I’ll have stylists there demonstrating examples of different natural hair styles. I’ll also have great giveaways from our sponsors LeVia’s and Purify Wellness and Spa.

After learning that I was planning to attend this event a friend of mine asked why should women care what men think about natural hair. She doesn’t believe that a man’s opinion on the matter should affect whether or not a woman decides to go natural. What would you say that?

I respect her opinion on the matter and would even agree with her to some degree, but there are a number of women who do care what men think. They have husbands and boyfriends whom they feel don’t like their natural look. In fact, I’ve been featured in JET magazine (March 21-28) issue, and the reporter talked to me at length about some women who say they haven’t been asked out or don’t get much attention from men since going natural. I’ve been invited on radio talk shows and women and men have called in talking about it at length. I believe there’s more dialog that needs to take place.

What other natural hair events have hosted in the past and do you have any other events planned for the coming months?

I have hosted two seminars in the past, one in October and another in December of 2010. I will continue to host quarterly seminars to give women in Birmingham an atmosphere of support and even expand on that.  Keep up with the latest events on www.thenaturalhairdiva.com. I will support others who host informational sessions. Then on January 28, 2012, I am hosting “Women of Splendor,” an event celebrating those women on the natural hair journey. I will keep listening to see what women in this community want and need.

Javacia Harris Bowser is a contributor for Urbanham.com, founding editor of GeorgiaMae.com, and a natural hair enthusiast.

THE HOME DEPOT HBCU RETOOL YOUR SCHOOL GRANT PROGRAM

HOME IMPROVEMENT GIANT ENCOURAGES ALUMNI, FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO VOTE FOR THEIR FAVORITE HBCU AS SCHOOLS COMPETE FOR$150,000 IN GRANTS FOR SUSTAINABLE CAMPUS AND FACILITY UPGRADES.

New York, NY– February 23, 2011 –The Home Depot®continues its long-standing support of diverse communities with the second year of its highly successful “Retool Your School” grantprogram. Designed to reinvigorate Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) nationwide through evergreen campus improvement efforts, this year’s program provides HBCUs with the opportunity to win $150,000 in grants to be awarded as one$50,000Grand Prize major grant and ten$10,000 minor grant winners.Online voting will take place from March 1 – April 22, 2011.

“We were extremely pleased with the response from schools and the community as a whole to last year’s “Retool Your School” program. These institutions really showed us their school spirit and pride with the overwhelming amount of online votes we received,” said Trish Mueller, senior vice president and chief marketing officer, The  Home Depot®. “This year, we look forward to reviewing the unique ideas and proposals that each school develops as we provide grants for a variety of practical and eco-friendly projects.”

During the online voting period, consumers will be able to view descriptions of major and minor projects and can
cast one vote per day for their favorite HBCU. Following the online vote, a panel of distinguished judges will also evaluate each school’s proposal. Projects will be judged based on votes posted to the website –www.retoolyourschool.com, as well as,relevance of the proposal requirements as listed on the website and
application. Entrants must highlight how each project will make a lasting, positive impact on its campus. Special attention will be given to schools that pitch eco-friendly tasks. Judges will also take into consideration the depth of each proposal and the school’s ability to execute the project within the budget of $50,000 (major) or $10,000 (minor), as applicable. The winning schools will be determined based on a combination of online votes and the judge’s evaluations. The Home Depot® will announce the top finalists on May 16, 2011.

As a company that prides itself on making a positive impact on the environment, The Home Depot® “Retool Your School” program judges will provide special consideration to schools who plan to use sustainable, eco-friendly and energy-saving resources, including, but not limited to, energy-efficient lighting and windows, and water-saving faucets and toilets, etc. With the goal of issuing grants for projects that have a lasting impact, last year The Home Depot® awarded Elizabeth City State Universitywith the Grand Prize of $50,000. The school will use the funds to  build the first-ever home baseball field in the school’s 119-year history.

“Elizabeth City State University is pleased and proud to be the recipient of the 2010 “Retool Your School” grant. Because of this award, we are constructing the first ever baseball field on our campus which will now allow our team to compete in front of a home crowd, provide our students and the local community an opportunity to enjoy ECSU baseball, and help enhance the local economy by bringing opposing teams and their fans to Elizabeth City,” stated Dr. Willie J. Gilchrist, chancellor, Elizabeth City State University. “I commend The Home Depot® for creating a grant program that targets Historically Black Colleges and Universities, particularly during this challenging economic time. The program is helping to build the sustainability movement that has become a major focus of many HBCUs.”

The ten $10,000minor grant winners for the 2010 inaugural program included-Bluefield State College, Bluefield, WV; Fisk University, Nashville, TN; Florida A&M University, Tallahassee, FL; Hampton University, Hampton, VA; Howard University, Washington, DC; Mississippi Valley State University, Meridian, MS; Morgan State University, Baltimore, MD; Tuskegee University, Tuskegee, AL; Virginia Union University, Richmond, VA; and Wilberforce University, Wilberforce, OH.

In 2010, minor grants went to a variety of sustainable efforts as several winning projects provided options that will lessen their campus’s carbon footprint. For example, Florida A&M University (FAMU) installed a rainwater collection system. The FAMU Student Government Association and the FAMU Green Coalition joined forces with the FAMU Department of Environmental Health & Safety to pioneer a unique and environmentally friendly improvement project. The system will reduce total water usage and recycle rainwater while keeping FAMU’s new landscaping looking healthy.

“Last year, I had an enjoyable experience picking the colleges, but what I learned the most is where people’s priorities are.” shared Jasmine Guy, renowned Actress and 2010 “Retool Your School” National Judge. “I’m proud that The Home Depot® took the time to really analyze each proposal, so that we knew we were giving substantive  donations to the schools that would last longer than something that just looks good.”

“We are excited to enter into the second year of the ‘Retool Your School’ program. We wanted to find a way to connect with our multicultural customers and ‘Retool your School’ has truly achieved this for us. “This program evokes school spirit while also helping to secure grants for renovations that last for years to come, said Melissa  Brown, manager of multicultural marketing, The Home Depot®.

The “Retool Your School” program is a unique competition that extends to alumni, family and friends, as well as students to vote for their favorite HBCU. “Retool Your School” radio spots will run nationally on TheTom Joyner Morning Show. A digital campaign will also run on popular sites, including BlackPlanet.com, AlumniRoundup.com and many more.

For more information on The Home Depot® “Retool Your School” grant program or to register online for “Retool Your School” program updates, visit www.retoolyourschool.com.

Online voting will begin March 1, 2011 at 12:00 am (midnight) EST and endApril 22, 2011 at 11:59 pm EST.  Visitors to the site will have an opportunity to vote for their favoriteHBCU.

The Home Depot®
The Home Depot® is the world’s largest home improvement specialty retailer, with 2,245 retail stores in all 50 states,
the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, U.S. Virgin Islands, Guam, 10 Canadian provinces, Mexico and China. In
fiscal 2008, The Home Depot® had sales of $71.3 billion and earnings from continuing operations of $2.3 billion.
The Company employs more than 300,000 associates. The Home Depot’s® stock is traded on the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE: HD) and is included in the Dow Jones industrial average and Standard & Poor’s 500 index.

I only kissed you (You’re mine for life now)

Hello everyone and welcome back to Kevin Key speaks. I was talking to a guy the other day and he told me about regretting his first kiss with a new girl. As he said more, I quickly understood. This was a classic case of getting ahead of yourself. Yup, the passion of the moment has claimed another victim. As some of you are probably a little confused, I’ll shed more detail.

Many times, we go on the first date or just meet someone and at the end, there’s the pressure of the first kiss. Decisions, decisions. As another example, the moon and stars may align a special way and two friends share that awkward movie moment. What’s so difficult you might say? The initiation of the moment is not the problem. We are talking about the aftermath. Sometimes as a guy and even a girl, we are having so much fun that we just go with it. Whether it’s the alcohol or just the timing, we fall into what I call the non-discriminate fun zone.

This is simply the place where you just don’t care. You’re feeling good and that’s all that matters; for that time anyway. LOL! We’ve all been there and thought the classic phrase, “it is what it is.”

Sometimes we get away scott free and other times there are lingering effects. What happened in this case was that he realized that next day she was not going to be a long term thing. I’ll even go a step further and say he probably knew this that night. Unfortunately he didn’t express this and she, from the exciting and fun filled night, is now excited about the future she thinks they’re building.

As I stated above, sometimes you’re just out to have fun and then move on. Of course there is nothing wrong with this, but… both people need to be on the same page.

Listen up everyone, watch for the manipulation. I’m not saying he was doing this, but some people sell the white picket fence knowing they’re just wanting to rent a hotel room. Now this guy spent the better part of the night necking and on the next day has to say… I’m sorry you misunderstood my actions. I’m really not interested and was simply requiring momentary affection. HA!

I can honestly say that I’ve been in this situation before. Yup! At the end of the night, sometimes I’m not sure of what direction I want to take. When this happens, I just smile, hug and walk off. Dang! I just gave away one of my secrets! Oh well. If it helps some of you all, it will not be in vain.

It’s just my opinion, but I don’t think you should make a move unless you’re ready to back it up. Whether it’s for a casual or long term, you need to know where you want to go. A very awkward moment is made when you show one thing and do another. That very easily sets the stage for future deceit and mistrust.

Of course we say all the time, it just happened. Yes it does, we’re animals! We make sure it happened! With that being said, we need to be responsible for when it happens. Someone needs to be adult enough to just say it. Yes we were fooling around, but I’m not interested in anything more. Or, I thought there was a spark, but I lost it. At least then everyone will know what’s going on.

I’m not saying it won’t suck for one of you all, but you’ll be able to look back on that moment for the good time that it was and not a point of hatred where you thought they took advantage of you.

www.kevinkeyspeaks.com

Nate Dogg Dies at 41

The legendary voice of the G funk voice sound, Nathaniel D. Hale aka Nate Dogg was pronounced dead on Tuesday, March 15 at the age of 41. The west coast singer was well known for his deep baritone voice on catchy hooks and some of hip-hop’s most memorable songs. There are no details revealing the cause of death, but if you remember back in 2007 as well as 2008, the singer had a stroke which left one side of his body paralyzed. There are some speculations that the cause of death could be from the complications of his previous stroke. Nate Dogg’s name and reputation will not be in vain; he has had a very rewarding career. The west coast singer has worked with a variety of talented artist such as Snoop Dogg, Eminem, Ludacris, 50 cent and of course Dr. Dre. While collaborating on other projects, Nate Dogg released three solo albums, Classic vol 1 & 2, Music and Me, and a self titled album, but he was mostly known for his features on songs like Ludacris’ “Area Codes”, Dr. Dre & Snoop’s “The Next Episode”, and my favorite “Regulator”. I heard of the news late Tuesday night when I noticed on twitter different individuals tweeting RIP Nate Dogg, I didn’t want to jump to a immediate assumption, because twitter is known for killing off individuals in the past based on rumors. I waited on a more solid lead, in which I received from a number of celebrities who knew and worked alongside him. Take a look at what some of our favorite entertainers had to say via twitter.

Snoop Dogg: “We lost a true legend n hip hop n rnb. One of my best friends n a brother to me since 1986 when I was a sophomore at poly high where we met. I love u buddy. U will always b with me 4ever n a day u put the g n g funk u put the 1 n 213 n u put yo stamp on everybody u ever did it wit I miss u cuzz I am so sad but so happy I got to grow up with u and I will c u again n heaven cuz u know d slogan. all dogs go to heaven yo homie n baby brotha bigg snoopdogg!! RIP NATE DOGG.”

50 Cent: “I just landed Nate dog is dead damn. GOD BLESS HIM R.I.P he meant a lot to west coast hip-hop. I’ve always been a fan of it.”

Nelly: “Blessings go out to the family of ‘NATHANIEL HALE’ aka ‘NATE DOGG’ may he R.I.P! A true PIONEER N ORIGINAL talent! ‘REGULATERS’ MOUNT UP!!”

Ludacris: “There is a certain void in hip hop’s heart that can never be filled. Glad we got to make history together.”

Daz Dillinger: “R.I.P. TO MY HOMEBOY NATE DOGG DPGC DOGG POUND GANGSTA 4 LIFE”

Monica: “2 The late Nate Dogg’s Family Know The Lord is close 2 the brokenhearted & saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18….Stay Strong”

Nas: “R.I.P. Nate Dogg!”

Erykah Badu: “Nate Dogg… freshness period. rest in beats.”

Game: “R.I.P. Nate Dogg. Why does it take Death to remind us about the importance of life??? Cherish every moment cuz tomorrow he might call your #. I lost a friend. Been here before. Tears. Memories. One day someone will lose “US” as well. LIVING until that day comes is our only option.”

Jermaine Dupri: “I dedicate my set tonight, to one of the most creative; Hip-hop has ever seen Nate do double g, RIP homie”

Wiz Khalifa: “r.i.p nate dogg”

Drake: “It’s easy to love me now. RIP Nate Dogg.”

Sean Kingston: “Wowowowow life is short man… R.I.P to the legend nate dogg wow man this is crazzy ;(”

Melody Thornton: “Wow… Nate Dogg R.I.P. U will be missed. I used 2 love the song ‘Regulate’ cuz they said ‘chords, strings we brings MELODY’ very sad day! R.I.P. Nate Dogg a mil thx 4 the grt music!”

Cassie: “RIP Nate Dogg”

Bow Wow: “RIP Nate Dogg. I had the pleasure to be around him in my younger days when I was running with Snoop & The Dogg Pound in 93 #WestcoastLegend”

Trey Songz: “RIP Nate Dogg – much love! If you had Nate on ya hook it was certified g

Fat Joe: “Rest in Peace Nate Dogg We’ll Always Love You!!!!!”

Ciara: “R.I.P Nate Dogg

New business makes hair care easier for Birmingham naturalistas

I thought it was too good to be true.

I’d heard rumors that there was a new natural hair care store in Birmingham, but I simply didn’t believe it. I’ve been wearing my hair in its naturally curly state for about 10 years now which means for a decade I’ve been spending an ungodly amount of money on shipping costs ordering my favorite hair care products online. But nestled in a small storefront in Valley Avenue Plaza is a tiny shop that has changed all that.

LeVia’s Hair & Body Essentials, located at 421 Valley Ave., opened in November of 2010. Owner Shavonne Holt, 32, doesn’t sport natural hair, but she’s still quite familiar with dishing out dollars for shipping costs as she’s searched online for the best hair care products for her 7-year-old daughter.

“I thought, ‘I know I’m not the only person going through this trying to find good products,’” Holt said.  In July of 2010 Holt got the idea of opening a shop that would sell natural hair products. Two months later she and her husband purchased the Valley Avenue storefront and two months after that LeVia’s welcomed its first customers.

“I decided to step out on faith,” she said. “I prayed and everything just fell together.”

Holt, who in addition to managing her store works full time as an accountant, opened her shop with assistance from the Innovation Depot and a small business loan. She thought Valley Avenue would be a perfect spot for her business because it would be convenient for customers in Homewood, Downtown Birmingham, and even Hoover.

Holt is confident in her business’s success not only because of its central location and not simply because natural hair has recently become a popular beauty trend. She also believes that Birmingham residents are beginning to have more and more appreciation black-owned independent businesses.

“People in Birmingham, especially in the black community, are so supportive,” she said. “People have really been helping me spread the word.”

And Holt tries to be just as supportive to other local entrepreneurs. In her store she carries two locally based product lines – Angela’s K.I.S.S. All Natural Hair & Skin Products by Angela P. Carter and Nahbila’s Essentials by Nahbila Sonia Tutuwan Thames.

LeVia’s also carries products from popular lines such as Carol’s Daughter, Mixed Chicks, Curls, AfroVeda, The Jane Carter Solution and many more. LeVia’s also offers skin care products, handbags and jewelry.

When asked what advice she’d give to aspiring entrepreneurs, her response was simple:  “Follow your dreams and keep faith in God.”

LeVia’s Hair & Body Essentials, located at  421 Valley Ave., is open 10 a.m. – 7 p.m. Monday thru Friday and 11 a.m. – 7:30 p.m. on Saturday.  Call 942-4701 for more information.

Javacia Harris Bowser is a contributor for Urbanham.com, founding editor of GeorgiaMae.com, and a natural hair enthusiast.

You User (But they asked me if I wanted it)

Hello all… It’s that time again. Today I’m going to talk about the user. Interestingly enough, there is more than one type of user. One is blatant and the other is so called inadvertent. Sometimes we are in relationships with people that deep down we feel used, but just can’t quite put our finger on it. I mean it’s just enough to say hey what is that all about, but not enough to say you’re definitely taking advantage. Because of this, there is that delicate room for error that no one wants to jump into. I mean if the relationship is going well, but something is partially a mist, do you front them? Hmmm… This is the case for many of us today. As more and more men are struggling with the trials of being that good guy, what do you do? As many more women are struggling with being a good woman, what do you do? One person told me that they keep it all in until the other person shows they can be trusted. Another person told me that at the first sign, they cut them loose.

Wow is all I can say! Have we really come to this? I personally feel that there is no shame in being who you are. In order to find love, you must bear that ultimate sacrifice which is defenselessness…. Of course, this is easier said than done, but no one said it would be easy. Being vulnerable can be a doozy, but not a death sentence. For me, there is a consolation and that’s you know you did everything you could. No regrets or backtracking when you keep it 100%. The user is always the one to try to come back in your life. At that time, you can look back and say you know what, I put it all out there and nothing happened. You already know how that ends, so no need to start it all over again.

When I’m dating a woman, as the gentleman I typically pay. For me, it’s not to be macho or flashy. I believe as the man, you should set the tone and lead / take care of your woman. With that being said, we as men also like being catered to. Just like you all like to feel special, we do too.

When I say this, I don’t mean tit for tat because it’s not about the money. We as guys want to feel like we’re doing it because we want you to feel special, not as an obligation. At the same time, no one wants to feel like they’re being called for a free meal or free drinks. It’s totally not cute or classy. Everything has a reciprocation point. This means, don’t let it get to the point where you feel entitled. Once you’re feeling like why didn’t he pay, he’s at the point of I’m going to see if she expects me to pay and needless to say, that’s the end of the honeymoon.

On the other side of the coin, guys don’t expect that your lady is going to show appreciation just like you do. For you, it shouldn’t be about the money as well. If she is scheduling quality time, that’s just like gold. Calling you to come over for dinner and a movie, offering to rub your back, making you a card and even a heartfelt I really appreciate you are a few of the many examples.

We need to understand each other. Men measure things by work and how much it takes to get what they want. For example, he may not make a lot of money, so when he offers to take you to an expensive restaurant, that’s big.

Women measure things in though. They are very visual. Women will take all day to pick the perfect card that expresses exactly how they feel.

Neither one of these need to be taken for granted!

As a little nugget, let me info you in on a little known secret. Men and women thrown little tests out there to see if you are the user. If you are blatant, you’re just being a jerk and if you’re inadvertent, you’re inconsiderate. Either way, you’re a user.

If I know one thing about users, they just don’t get it. They’re brain is stuck on I and my good time with no consideration of the other persons sacrifice. If you disagree with my article, you are probably that person and I hope you read it again.

The fun times of using and abusing on another person’s dime will ride out. What you don’t understand is that during the time of riding, you never learned how to drive, which means once they put you out of their car, you’ll be stranded.

I hope you haven’t also been sitting one your butt the whole time because you’ll then need those legs to start walking.

www.kevinkeyspeaks.com

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