Woman Translator Book – I feel like it’s my fault

Hello all. I’m going to give you another excerpt from my Woman Translator book. For those that don’t know, we guys have a hard time understanding what women are saying. This is not just figuratively, but also literally. Contrary to popular belief, we are actually the simple ones and don’t take offense to direct dialog. It is a lose / lose situation when we don’t understand and you’re frustrated that we don’t understand. Something always has to give. The good news however is that big dramatic blowups can most times be avoided. “Hey stupid pay attention” is almost what it takes. To cut down on potential verbal abuse, I’m breaking out the code book and giving translation.

What she said:
“I feel like it’s my fault”

What he thought:
Dang right it’s your fault… I’m busting my tail trying to make it happen for us and she just doesn’t get it.

What she really said:
It’s your fault just like mine, but for the benefit of the relationship, I’ll step up and take the blame. I like you, let’s fix this.

As you can see, the translation is totally different and the more direct version would have definitely gotten his attention.

For this article, I’m going to take the ladies side and break it down for the fellas. In every relationship problem, someone has to be the bigger person and address it. There has to be an awakening. There has to be a “hey pay attention”!

Women really don’t want to break up. Most times, they will go above and beyond to make it work. No one wants a failed relationship on their hands. For women it’s especially true. Because of this, she is willing to set her ego aside so that yours won’t be hurt. We think women don’t understand, but they do. That is why they allow us to tell the corny jokes over and over, say we’re great when they know we’re not and also make a butt of ourselves in front of friends. They know all too well how fragile we are and try to help keep us looking good.

Unfortunately, we can sometimes go overboard and forget that we had help. No man is definitely an island and they want us to always remember that. I personally don’t think that’s too much to ask for. After all, no one wants to feel unappreciated. In the end, it’s all about owning up to our part of the responsibility.

Really what they’re expecting us to say is, “No it’s not your fault, I share the blame. What can we do to make this better? What can we do?”
Women want a partner. They want to know that we are in it with them and not against them. They also want to know that we give a dang and want this as bad as they do.

The Women Translator book was written not to pick sides, but show a different viewpoint. If we take more time to understand each other, we might actually learn something.

Kevin Key
www.kevinkeyspeaks.com

Why are they back? (it seems like old times)

Hello all. Today is an interesting day for me. I was recently reconnected with a long lost friend and I must say that we picked up right where we left off. Some people think that opportunities are lost when there is a separation, but I tend to think that once something is there, you never lose it. As humans, we do however have a choice, but it is up to us as to what we do with it.

Of course there are changes that must now be factored in. That is the part that has to always be calculated. Does this person have a love interest, spouse or kids? Are they just visiting or do they now live here? These are some of the many complicated webs that make the next move so tricky.

Even with all these hurdles, I find that the most interesting hurdle is always the transition. Where are they now in their life? Are they speeding up, slowing down, settling, seeking or just don’t know? Ah, as a famous person once said, “here lies the rub.”

Now for an even deeper question, where are you in your life? I find simply that this is a fluid question. If we look at the people we’ve been interacting with, there is always a different answer for “what are you looking for.” Now… Why is that? Maybe, it’s because we look for different things in everyone. Each person has a different skill set and talent that can add to who you are. Depending on what you are currently after will greatly affect how interested or disinterested or even the level of pursuit you are willing to give for the possibility of what you will gain through being together.

I’m sure that some would say it shouldn’t be calculated like some equation, but we do it all the time. Even in jobs, we weigh potential gain with effort invested to hopefully equal success. Too bad the instructor didn’t give the “s” variable to you ahead of time.

By “s” I mean struggle. There is always a struggle. This is not necessarily a bad thing. If you all are struggling together for a common goal, you’ll always come out on the success side because you’re united… Something added can never be divided to be less than what you started with.

With that being said, where am I going with this? Oh, ah yes… Sometimes we have to go through pain separately so that we can see someone else’s pain and have sympathy. I don’t believe that anything is by chance. Opportunities are laid in for a prosperous future. This is only for those that wish to explore them. I’m not saying that an old friend coming back signals let’s hook up. I’m saying that while they were away, they may have gained a valuable piece to the puzzle that makes up what you call life.

It is up to you to put away pride, expectation, disappointment and search for what that piece is and “if” it holds a place. The rest of your life is much too long to spend wondering “what if.”

Kevin Key Speaks
www.kevinkeyspeaks.com

What are you doing New Year’s Eve?

There is certainly no need to stay at home this New Year’s Eve! With so many events taking place you can easily find a spot that suits your scene and your social needs!  While many of you will stop by our favorite Watch Night Service to thank God for the previous year and ask for his blessings for the New Year, others will be on the look out for the best hang spot for NYE.  So even after Watch Night service, be it your pastor gets you out before midnight or directly after there is still plenty to do for the young at heart!

Short list of recommended NYE events

Magic City 2011 Urban Professionals NYE Party
The Sheraton Hotel Ballroom
2102 Richard Arrington Jr. Blvd.
Birmingham, AL 35203
(Crown Royal Pre-Mixer with B Brian on the turn-tables. SW-1 spinning old school hosted by Chris Sheppard. Hip Hop Room hosted by Isis Jones, DJ Big Sweat and the South Models.  Live music by Yung Vokals and Precision Groove. Check with the Sheraton Hotel – Downtown Birmingham for room availability.)
Time: 6:00 pm – Until
Phone: (678) 313-1923
Website: http://www.magiccitynye.com

NYE Set All Black Everything
Merienda Lounge – Downtown
420 Richard Arrington Jr Blvd South 35222
(FEVER presents All Black Everything, Live entertainment by Logan, Crowd by DJ Azul, free Champagne toast at midnight, New Year’s Eve Party Favors Provided, 1000 Money Drop @ Midnight)
For more information contact feverbham@gmail.com or call (205) 383-9959
Visit calendar page

Shar Baby New Year’s Eve Blues Concert
The Highland Conference Center – 2012 Magnolia Avenue, located in Five Points South
(Live music, food available, free champagne toast at midnight.  Check with the Hotel Highland for room availability.)
Time: 8:00 pm  – 1:00 am
Tickets are $15.00 and can be purchased from the H Bar. For tickets and information call (205) 874-5759 or (205) 218-0605.  Visit calendar page.

The All Star Band NYE Party @ The H Bar
The H Bar – 1023 20th Street South inside of the Hotel Highland in Five Points South
Time: 8:00 pm – 1:00 am
(Live music, food available, free champagne toast at midnight.  Check with the Hotel Highland for room availability)
Tickets are $15.00 and can be purchased from the H Bar. For tickets and information call (205) 874-5759 or
(205) 218-0605
Visit calendar page

Tasha Simone’s NYE State of Mind Masquerade Party
Old Car Heaven – 115 35th Street South
Time: 9pm – Until
For information email Likemindsmarketing@gmail.com or call (205) 215-0902
Visit calendar page

All You Can Drink NYE Party
B.O.S.S. Ultra Lounge
312 20th Street South in Downtown Birmingham
(All you can drink, check with the Hyatt Hotel which is across the street from B.O.S.S for room availability)
Time: 10pm – Midnight
Visit calendar page

First Friday + Iva NYE Party
Amani Raha
1612 3rd Avenue North
(DJ C -Dubb, two floors, food while it last, drink specials all night, passes to three after parties!)
Time: 9:00 pm – Until
Website: www.ffnye2010.eventbrite.com
Phone: (205) 261-1469

Maze featuring Frankie Beverly
Boutwell Auditorium
(Hosted by Rickey Smiley)
Time: Doors 8:00 pm, Show starts at 9:00 pm
Tickets: www.magiccitytix.com
Phone: (205) 944-2534

So there you have it!  Be safe, get a designated driver or better yet find a room at a local hotel!  For more great NYE events visit the Urbanham.com calendar.

Live or Exist Is The Question

Someone recently wrote me and said he was captivated my life’s motto “Are You Living or Simply Existing”…I asked do you have Sickle Cell Disease?

 

I struggle with a disease not people, because I only allow positive people in my circle….I struggle with SCD not simple minded things, because this disease has shown me how to choose my battles wisely….I struggle with a disease that feels like broken glass sliding thru my veins & from this I’ve learned to enjoy life to its fullest-drama free in an environment God has allowed me to create…or every time I am admitted I go to post-operation for an anesthesiologist to place a central lines in one of the large veins in my neck, but what I’ve learned is things could be worse….I’ve completely lost the hearing in my right ear but this has taught me to appreciate the other senses God has given me….life can be hard no doubt and I am not belittling anyone’s problems, I can only speak about me..

 

I wish you could see what I go through day in & day out struggling with a disease (in & out of the hospital, the pain, the needles, the blood transfusions never cease) & it seems at times no one cares about this “brown peoples disease’” but I’ve come to realize God has given this gift this mission, this journey that only I can accomplish for others…I don’t complain because for every mission life gives you orders about something you need to do in life, you can do the easy way (just do it, by following His lead) or you can do it the hard way (take your time, go the other way, ignore Him- and see where it gets you) eventually you will do what He told you to do; and not in the most pleasant manner….

 

Ask God what He would have you to do & believe me He will give you an answer that only you can achieve and no one else, so be ready & stop existing today & start living…

By Tina Kay Hughes author of “Tkay’s Inspirationals:  Walking In Your Season”  www.tinakay.net

MUZIK & MORE IS ON THE MOVE

Birmingham, AL—A local landmark is making a move. Muzik & More recently relaunched and is now relocating. Moving from its historic location in Five Points West, the company that has provided music and memories for so many is kicking off the new year by moving to a new, trendy location at: 1401 3rd Avenue West Suite 111 in the Crown Plaza Shopping Center, near Family Dollar.

Beginning Monday, January 3, 2011, Muzik & More-3rd Avenue West will open the doors to its new store with an even greater selection of hits from today and yesterday. Store owner Aquil Abdur-Rasheed says the timing for the move couldn’t have been more perfect, “We are now poised to be able to offer even more music and greater attention to our customers in a location that’s easily accessed and truly at the heart of the city. My passion has always been to be what my customers need and where they need me to be. I believe this new store will further accomplish both,” said Rasheed.

Stemming from a long history of meaningful service and community involvement, Muzik & More 3rd Avenue West offers an array of music from every genre including hip hop, gospel, blues and jazz. They also offer great deals on party CDs, apparel, music video DVDs, documentaries and more. Special orders on harder to find items are also available.

Muzik & More is located at 1401 3rd Avenue West Suite 111 in the Crown Plaza Shopping Center near Family Dollar.
Operational hours are: Monday through Satruday 10 am-7 pm and Sunday 12 pm -6 pm.  For more information on Muzik & More please contact Aquil Abdur-Rasheed at: 205.786.7700 or 205.908.2940 by email at: muziknmore@gmail.com or connect at: facebook.com/muziknmore or twitter.com/muziknmore.

New Year’s Celebration all week at the H Bar!

Drop by the H Bar, Tuesday through Friday of this week to participate in the week long celebration for the New Year!  Of course there will be live music every night plus two special New Year’s Eve events!

H Bar New Year’s Music Schedule

• Tuesday – Shaun Pezant, Mike Ham and Norris Jones performing the best in jazz and classic R&B. No cover.
• Wednesday – The Top Secret Trio delivers the best in popular and classic jazz. No cover.
• Thursday – Shaun Pezant, Mike Ham and Norris Jones. No cover.
• Friday – It’s two great events! the All Star Karaoke Band hosts an all star New Year’s Eve Party with live band karaoke and good times!  Right across the breezeway the legendary Shar Baby joins a popular supporting cast of blues musicians for the best New Year’s Eve Blues Concert and Party for grown folks at the Highland Conference Center.  Both events are $15.00 with show hopper passes and free champagne toast at midnight.  Contact the Hotel Highland at (205) 933-9555 for room specials.

So there you have it!  One place to have dinner, catch a few bowl games,  mingle with friends, spend the night and unwind with some of the best live music in the area.  For tickets and information to the Shar Baby Blues Concert or the All Star Band New Year’s Eve Party call (205) 874-5759 or (205) 218-0605.

Get some furniture this year!

Have you ever visited a friend and wondered what happened to the rest of the furniture, I do too. Send this video to those in need of some decorative therapy.

I confess my frustration in my latest blog, “Get some furniture!” Visit my blog at bmccoy.ning.com.

Man UP (You are a man right?)

A friend of mine called me the other day and was quite confused. It seems that he was told by a lady to man up. “For some reason, she just came out of the blue,” he said. First off my friend, nothing just comes out of the blue. From my experience, everything has a start.

My belief is that he has been doing one of the following.
Complaining, avoiding manly duties or passing off responsibility.
Let’s start with the first one. Women want to see their guy as a pillar of strength. No woman wants to hear constant excuses about why you aren’t where you are in life or how everyone takes advantage of you. Hell, even your guy friends don’t want to hear that. Here’s the reality that you’ll have to deal with. Being a man means holding it together on the outside when you’re breaking down on the inside. Someone has to keep it together and we were chosen for that task.

For the next one we have avoiding manly duties. We guys talk all day long about how we want a lady to cook, clean and dress the part for us… That’s right, they do it for us. What did you think, it was for their girlfriends? Nope! As an exchange however, they expect a little in return. I say a little because, these are things that you should have learned as a kid and or picked up as an adult. Let’s try opening doors, let’s try pulling out the chair and my old school favorite; walking her down the street with you on the curbside. Don’t worry, for those that don’t know, I’ll explain the last one in another article. Ha!

In addition to that, someone must have been drinking at the factory because they don’t make us like they use to. Manly duties also mean being able to fix simple things. Yes, they expect us to fix things. Fixing is part of the problem solving. If you break it down, this means “Fix Problems”.

See that isn’t so difficult. They don’t care if we physically fix them or not, they just want to be able to rely on their man to get it done. When this happens, please believe that they brag to they’re girlfriends about how you saved the day when you “blank”… After that, you get a golden nugget in your relationship shopping cart. Once that’s full, oh buddy the treats that will unfold… LOL!

The last is passing off responsibility. This actually connects with the one above. Don’t keep passing the “buck” take responsibility and make it happen. Now a day, no one stands for anything. The words, honor, integrity and respect have no meaning. The crazy thing is that none of these things require money. That’s right; they are absolutely free for those that want them.

In the end, I guess I can sum it all up by saying stop playing the blame game and get productive. Whatever you want, you have to give. This is what I always say. As homework, do some research on great men and you’ll see that they all stood for something. If you want a woman to follow, you must have somewhere to take her.
I’m Kevin Key and as always, “Your Measure is not my Worth”.

Jazz for Christmas!

If you need a little boost to help you get into the Christmas spirit make sure you drop by this H Bar Tuesday through Friday.  Catch Shaun Pezant, Mike Ham and Norris Jones on Tuesday and Thursday, The Top Secret Trio on Wednesday and the All Star Karaoke Band on Friday.  Each night you can bet the bands will deliver some of your favorite jazz and classic music tunes but each group has also added a great selection of Christmas favorites that will certainly get you into the holiday spirit.

The H Bar opens at 5pm each day and the live music starts at 7:30 pm.

The H Bar will be closed on Christmas, Saturday December 25, 2010

The H Bar
Located inside of the Hotel Highland
1023 20th Street South in Five Points South

Web: www.thehbar.com

Clearing my conscience… Done! (Your hold over me is broken)

Ready for this? We continue to bend because there was never confirmation of our or their fault. Because there is no clear cut person to blame, you’ll forever wonder if you did everything you could. You’ll always think maybe I should have or why didn’t I try blank.

Undoubtedly we’ve all been there. You know that moment where we’re made to feel like we’re not doing our part in the relationship. It’s funny how quickly we point fingers when things don’t seem to go our way. Somehow we still find a way to blame ourselves and or justify going back for more punishment. Why can we not simply move on? Why must we bend and bend some more?

Once you, what I call “clear your conscience,” you’ll be free to move on.

What is clearing your conscience? Clearing your conscience is the process of identifying and eliminating one by one the things that they complain you do or don’t do. By this process you’ll soon figure out if it is truly you or them.

How does it work, you ask? Here’s an example. If they complain you don’t spend time with them, schedule some alone time.

If they say you don’t talk to them, call them more than you usually do and see how they respond.

If they say you don’t take them anywhere, plan some outings.

I know you may think I do this anyway, but we’re talking about putting in extra effort. Even though, at times you may feel you are playing yourself, it’s important to put in the extra effort now to have a realistic picture. It’s definitely much better to work this for a couple weeks than to drag it out over years or even a lifetime of doubt.

The basis behind this is simply that people who are leading you on will say these things to get you to cause one of the following effects: make you frustrated and leave, control you or simply inform you of their needs.

For your own mental stability, you need to quickly find out which one it is.

If the person shows appreciation for your extra efforts, that’s a good sign and means you’re on to something. Of course keep the communication up and be honest about how you feel.

If the person seems more frustrated with your attempts to fix the things they outlined, then they were just trying to push you away by asking you to do things they banked you wouldn’t do.

If the person asks for even more after flexibility, it was probably a tactic to control you and they now think they’ve got you.

At this point, at least you know where you stand and can make an informed decision. Hopefully they’re appreciative and you all can grow from there. If it’s one of the others, you should have a clear conscience and be able to move on because it’s now exposed and you’ve done everything you can.

Always remember, there’s no shame in being in love or doing for someone you love, but make sure the one you choose to love is worth it.

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